What Happened To My Baby?

When I first found out I was going to have a baby, I had no idea how I was going to take care of it. My biggest concern before he was born was, which restaurant to book reservations at. A fellow mom and a girlfriend with two small girls of her own, passed on to me all the books about new babies. It was a stack of books a mile high, I knew I better get busy reading and so I did. I read them all front to back and even took notes. The ninth month arrived and I was sure I was completely ready, I knew everything!

His room is what I was most proud of. I took my notes to the baby store with me and made sure to check off everything it said I needed. Cotton swaps, check, desitin, check, yummy-smelling lotion, check, diaper-changing station, check, check and complete. I stocked the closet with all things baby and even had things in there I couldn't pronounce, but the books said to get them, so there they were. Bring it on baby, I wasn't going to have any surprises. I was one of the lucky ones and had a pregnancy free of complications, sometimes I even forgot I was pregnant, he was so easy.

The last month is when I learned something the book didn't tell me, how swollen I would become and how shocked I would be when I looked in the mirror. I was a little surprised the book didn't tell me this, it seemed like such vital intel. About a week before baby, I learned something else the book skimmed over, how hard it would be to sleep on my side. By this time, the baby is full-term and it's huge! I had to sleep sitting up like I was at the dinner table. No matter, the room was stocked and I was baby-educated, everything would be fine.

Baby arrives and it's time to put him in his room. One problem, I wanted him with me, in my bed. The book says to never to do that, I did it anyway. The only time he used the room, that took me months to put together, was to have his diaper changed. I gave myself a pat on the back for this at least, I had more diapers and wipes than I could imagine, kudos to the books. Daily life became baby mania, forgetting about everything else. Diaper changing, feeding, kissing, hugging, baby baths and taking a million pictures. The first three months were a fog, I don't even know who was doing all of those things, I saw them in pictures - that's how I know they happened. The book didn't tell me I would turn into a zombie.

I would hold my baby for dear life when he was first born, I was terrified he would fall or bump into something. Walking down the stairs holding the baby was eventful as well. I had these horrible visions I would drop him. The same thing happened when I would sit in front of the fireplace, I had visions he would go in. These thoughts scared me so much, I had to look them up. Turned out, they were normal for new moms, whew. The books didn't tell me this part. It's a defense mechanism the mind puts into place, to prevent these things from happening. Ok mind, they worked, maybe a little too well.

The book teaches you how to swaddle the baby and says babies like it. Mine liked it for about two weeks and then would scream bloody murder when I did it. The books say baby will start walking at one years old, they don't mention they also fall (a lot) and sometimes straight into corners - ouch. When the baby had a fever, I was so ready though. I was like a doctor. I retrieved baby kit, from his perfectly organized baby room and went straight to work, knowing exactly what to do. Thank you books, you were right all along.

My neighbor just had a baby yesterday, she's about to go through it all over again, it's her fourth. It makes me think about my baby and how he no longer is one, a point he makes sure to remind me of, but sometimes . . . I wish he was again. Kissies, huggies, cutie-munchkin -- uh oh, I think I want another baby . . . jokes people, jokes.

  my angel.

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